Oi Oi Oi. Here we are approaching the final weekend of all things joyful and we find ourselves in a fantastic position. Win and CL is ours, effectively knocking out our most hated rival. Lose and well… yeah. Now, Tater Totts could do us all a big favor and just lose their match vs Sunderland but the truth is it doesn’t really matter too much given that we all start at the same time, on the same day. There is no benefit to either side to go out and give anything but maximum effort so a win is all that will do in this here position. One could almost argue that we have a bit less pressure on us because our win seals the CL spot whereas a Totts win doesn’t guarantee them shite without us losing; meaning they absolutely cannot lose OR tie (a tie for both still gives us the edge). It is a nice feeling knowing that a win for each side still screws your rival (and possibly secures a move away from Sp*rs for the Welsh tickler?). Nothing like the possibility of being able to look across the street and congratulate them on a victory all the while sending them packing for Europa glory (ask Blue Balls how exciting it is to win the Europa League but I digress as a trophy is a trophy).

Looking ahead to Sunday there is much concern over whether Arteta will be able to start or not. Honestly, I am of the opinion that unless you are able to give 100% then you shouldn’t be starting (barring our incredible need given our lack of depth this year). We need our players right now to play as fast as the opponent and not let an injury give way to a goal, or otherwise stupid decision because you just aren’t feeling 100%. And this isn’t to say that I don’t think a player CAN’T start if they aren’t 100% but I would rather we have fully fit players at certain key positions (Poldi aside because that boy partially fit is better than a fully fit GerviNO). A position like Arteta’s almost dictates a 100% fit player because he has to track  back constantly and go into defensive tackles with proper timing. I think we surely miss having Arteta in there but I think with Ramsey’s solid play of late he has shown that he can slot into that position just fine if need be.

Alas, what to do then if Arteta is ruled out? Well, we know that our forward three will contain some sort of a Santi/Theo/OG or Poldi combo. Thus, it is our middle three that is more the concern then. Rosicky and Ramsey are must starts. Thus, that leaves either Wilshere to start (maybe slot him into Arteta’s position?) or we bring in a guy like Coquelin, who could service quite well in Arteta’s position. Personally, I like the idea of starting Coquelin and then bringing Wilshere in off the bench if need be to secure a late push for goal (at least give the lad 30 minutes and a lot of pain killers). Coquelin possesses a more defensive minded approach (IMHO) and I think that is what we need with losing Arteta’s play. If we go up a goal, then we can pull Coq’s out and slot in TV and basically sit and hold while utilizing a more counter-attack approach (remember, we just need 3 points: don’t care if it’s dirty or cheap at this point). That being said, I trust Coq there as long as he is given proper direction on exactly what his role is.

Next big question is whether you slot Giroud back into the starting lineup or not. The guy definitely adds a certain missing flair to our game and his headers are something of a needed piece to our lineup/strategy/defense. That said, Poldi shows he knows what to do when the ball comes eye level and he is certainly keen on finding goal just fine. I am on the fence about this one as I really like OG’s link up play and having his head in the game. We could really go off the deep end here and slot Poldi wide, OG in the middle and Theo on the other side. That would leave our middle three at Santi, Rosicky and Ramsey. That, in all honesty, is something of a lineup I am a big advocate for. It leaves lots of creative lineup changes late in the game if need be but also keeps three strikers on the field that play very different games. We could finally have a nice look at some link up play between a more in form Poldi, who has found the goal quite nicely in recent games, and Giroud.

Right. Well, this lad here is going to catch the Copa del Rey while the little one sleeps (hopefully). Here is to an excruciating exciting finish in the Premier League.

Happy trails Gooners.

Well played lads. Well played indeed. I’ll admit, I was extremely worried about today’s game. Wigan came in with exactly what they needed (a solid win against Man City and lots of confidence). However, what happened today was exactly the reason why Wigan are being relegated (and puts into my mind what the F were Man City doing losing to them in the FA?!). Wigan just didn’t have it and thankfully we were reminded of why Arsenal have scored the second most home goals in the Premier League.

The lineup run out there was nothing to turn your nose up at. With Jack admitting offseason surgery (finally, that boy is probably a bit tired too), and Giroud still red card out, the only real decision (in my mind) was between Gibbs and Monreal (loved the Gibbs start-attacks a bit more IMHO). We started out fairly strong and Poldi put on his best OG impression by heading home our initial score. But for the equalizer struck before halftime, Arsenal looked quite in control throughout. Thankfully, we saw fit to tack three on in the second half to put it all away. Cazorla played his magical self set up… well… according to my Fantasy BPL team ALL of the goals today. Such a sweet, sweet signing that Spaniard has turned out to be.

The game today, while quite tense, reminds us all of what this Arsenal team is capable of when they put their best foot forward (no pun intended). Arsenal attacked throughout, won several corners and just kept putting the ball into the danger zone which allowed for the second half onslaught of goals. One has to wonder whether Wigan’s energy levels were finally shot after the high of the FA win and today having to play a very desperate aggressive Arsenal front in the first half. That said, going in with a last minute equalizer was again, not exactly what we needed (we just can’t keep gifting these things). The lone score from our opposition came from a questionable foul just outside the box and while Szczesny’s dive came close, the lack of height of Poldi is really where that goal got scored (I would love to see a overlay of OG and see if that ball would have struck him square between the eyes). Regardless of fault, we had to know that one goal was not going to be enough to secure the victory and the boys kept their teeth to the grindstone and gutted out another satisfying victory.

Knowing that we had to win, you just can’t help but enjoy the gut bombs that Tater Totts are having to endure with this all. Next week sees us set up nicely with a relatively safe Newcastle team who apparently could care less if we not only beat them but hang a scoreline of 4-0 on them in the process (Yes please!). Right, time for three more Arseholes and we can put this season to bed (all the while rubbing it in our rivals faces!).

As the weekend has grabbed us I am more and more nervous ahead of our match against Wigan. Chelsea have secured their spot in the CL and now it comes down to where places works themselves out. At this point in the season I could go on and on about the best lineup to run out there, and I am sure I will ahead of the match, but this comes down to just nabbing maximum points regardless of who starts. We are in the driver’s seat. We control our own destiny. Take six points from our last two games and we are in.

I will admit, the run up to this point has been entertaining from a soccer (football, futbol, footie) fan perspective. I am sure the casual watcher is no doubt intrigued by the scenarios and how the scores each week change these three teams fighting for two spots. I am sure SkySports and ESPN and Fox Soccer love the coverage and the marketing dollars that will pour in over the next two weeks should this come down to the final game.

But alas, I am not just a fan of the game. I am an Arsenal fan. This hasn’t been a fun game of sorts or an entertaining storyline. I don’t watch when I feel like it. I don’t follow ’cause it’s cool. I don’t write this blog, pull out math scenarios and dress my child in head to toe Arsenal gear because I like the game. I love the game. And I love my Arsenal.

I don’t wish it came down to two games. I wish we had this wrapped up in the bag long ago. I wished we hadn’t dropped needed points early on. I wish we had a bit more consistency, a few more quality players and that single dangerous striker that everyone holds their breathe when the ball lands at their feet (not cause he is going to Gervhi-NO the damn thing but because the entire stadium knows that greatness is coming next).

The fact remains that this has been a tumultuous season for a club so steeped in history and a winning tradition. The fact that we have lost serious lineup depth over the last few years and have had to make do with essentially running 4 brand new guys into our starting lineup this year should be a credit to the genius that is Wenger (yes, I think he did much, much better than most). And yet, we lost to lowly competition (*cough* Blackburn) in one cup and even lower in another (Bradford fucking City *cough* *cough*).

No my fellow arseholes, this is not a joyous occasion. It is rather frustrating that we are having to play our ways out of this current predicament all the while Man U drunkenly send off their manager into the sunset with another title in hand. It’s Arsenal ’til I die for this here lad and my happiness with our performance at the end of the season is buoyed once more by the hope that it is our most hated rival we can send packing for Europa once more.

Anxiously awaiting lads…

Well Elvis is leaving the building. As Sir A plans his trip off into the sunset (welcome Mr. Moyes), Arsenal was given a dream chance here with any slip up by the opposition almost guaranteeing them a place in the CL. I was treated to the game between Blue Balls and Tater Totts and I have to say I left rather pleased knowing that both teams dropped points. Truth be told, it doesn’t change our position at all. WE MUST WIN OUR LAST 2 GAMES. That said, there are a number of scenarios that could see us land 3rd instead of 4th if a certain manager out there decided to stick it to his club for basically screwing him (PSG for Rafa?). That aside, watching the match I was renewed in may hatred for the putridness that is Ada-buy-ya-some-more. I loathe him actually. He is utterly classless but when his overtalented lanky ass decides to play it can be quite a scene; makes you wonder exactly how much talent he decides to waste on a regular basis. Chels on the other hand has some rather nice pieces that put together a fine play and whoever comes in (Jose must be salivating at the idea of a Premier run without Sir A involved now) will have fit birds to play with. All things aside, I am quite happy that both teams dropped points and that sees the possibility that we could nab 3rd but should secure 4th with just 2 more wins my Gooners. Oh the joy.

To Arsenal, here is the update:

Blue Balls, 69 points (Chelsea either Home/Away): Aston V (A) +3, Everton (H) +3

• 2 matches, possible 6 points (projected +6)

Arsenal, 67 points: Wigan (H) +3, New U (A) +3

• 2 matches, possible 6 points (projected +6)

Tater Totts, 66 points: Stoke (A) +3, Sund (H) +3

• 2 matches, possible 6 points (projected +6)

Everton, 60 points: West Ham (H) +3, Chelsea (A) +0

• 2 matches, possible 6 points (projected +3) Mathematically eliminated from CL contention. Good run Moyes.

Projected Finish (projected point total)

3. Chelsea (75)

4. Arsenal (73)

5. Tater Totts (72)

6. Everton (63) *Eliminated from CL contention… 

Tiny Totts pull one out of their arse (last minute again) and then that squirmy lass Chels squeak out a winner against the Champs!?! F this all to hell… We are keeping pace but pressure is hopefully going to cause one of those around us to drop. We have a long break before our next match (comparatively to those around us). Hopefully the added time off, and added minutes to the other teams, will allow us to stand our ground seeing the fakers drop points.

I will admit, my big fear here is that Chelsea (Blue Balls) could drop 3 to Tater Totts, win their last two and that would give them 74 on the season. Totts could then gain that 3 against Blue Balls plus the possible 6  against Stoke/Sunder and that leaves those two teams tied at 74 a piece while we look in from the outside at 73. No bueno amigos. I never thought I would say this but I am going to be rooting for a big Blue Balls win on 5/8.

Oi Oi Oi, here is the update:

Blue Balls, 68 points (Chelsea either Home/Away): Totts (H) +3, Aston V (A) +3, Everton (H) +3

• 3 matches, possible 9 points (projected +9)

Arsenal, 67 points: Wigan (H) +3, New U (A) +3

• 2 matches, possible 6 points (projected +6)

Tater Totts, 65 points: Chelsea (A) +0, Stoke (A) +3, Sund (H) +3

• 3 matches, possible 9 points (projected +6)

Everton, 60 points: West Ham (H) +3, Chelsea (A) +0

• 2 matches, possible 6 points (projected +3) Mathematically eliminated from CL contention. Good run Moyes.

Projected Finish (projected point total)

3. Chelsea (77)

4. Arsenal (73)

5. Tater Totts (71)

6. Everton (63) *Eliminated from CL contention… 

20 seconds. If Theo was looking to nab my new son’s attention he sure as shite wasted zero time doing so with a bullet strike that couldn’t be stopped. 20 seconds. I had barely settled in to start paying attention and figured it would take a bit of build up to get Arsenal going in an away game. 20 seconds. Loved it. Figured I was in for one of those days where the heavens rain in goals and we see all four men from the back take stabs at goal. Wasn’t it great to see Per knock one in from 30 yards out? Wait a second… that didn’t happen…

No, I am not disappointed in the game today. We did exactly what we needed to do, nabbed three points on the road and then got the hell out of dodge. Happy to grab our points and move on. The trouble with games like these is that Arsenal have to win and so they can run into the danger of pressing too much while the other (relegated) side play care free. And let’s not kid ourselves here, QPR has some mighty fine players. Remy (an alleged Arsenal target) almost nabbed a beautiful goal himself if not for a brilliant save on the bean Pole’s part. That said, we are in crunch time needing every point and waiting for those ahead of us to drop theirs.

Hence, I am pretty pissed that Tater Totts nabbed theirs (and WTF Chelsea too?!). I honestly can’t wait until Sp*rs sell that boy and get nothing of real value in return (besides that whole heap of money but who’s counting). Early in the day (while holding a sleeping baby boy) I found myself constantly checking the score line and after 85 minutes I figured Totts was done and they were pulling a “last year” on themselves. Fucking shit strike by Bale, why the hell did that defender not twist into the dame ball instead of away from it!!! But I digress, I was excited going into our game against QPR and I just would have been a whole hell of a lot happier had Sp*rs dropped their damn points like they were supposed to.

Truth is, I really liked the lineup we sent out there. I figured Rosicky, Ramsey, Arteta and Cazorla in the middle would do well and Theo, if given (actually used his speed) space, would hook up with Poldi and one of them would score a goal. Never thought that Theo would terrorize like he did today (aside from the fact that he didn’t link up too well I loved that he was at least putting shots on goal). The boy played like he was possessed (again, when he touched the ball and injected himself into the game) and I get the feeling he would like to say he is taking Arsenal on his back for the final run in for points (ha!). He could have had 1 or 2 more goals today and no one could fault his effort. Sadly, it was Poldi who seemed out of sorts. He didn’t link up too well and many times found himself either in isolation or out of place when in the final third. I still have faith in his Thor’ish foot but today was a day that showed he is either not quite fit or just not quite slotting in right with the team at this point.

Late subs seemed more time wasters than anything. AOC did add some pressure on a few late runs but QPR were really the ones that tempted fate by almost scoring. All in all, this was a grind it out effort that had us away with three and on to the next. Scary thing is, even if we win out we still may miss out unless Tater Totts and a girl named Chelsea start dropping points.

Points Scenario IV to come Gooners.

Sorry lads, no pre-match analysis this time around as we welcomed our first child into the world yesterday and are still at the hospital. Jackson (his name) will catch his first match tomorrow with this Gooner and I couldn’t be happier. Post match analysis to come; lots of stuff to catch up on.

As you probably have already figured out via here, our hopes at finishing 3rd or 4th atop the table are really quite dependent upon others dropping points in addition to Arsenal winning out. We must have 9 points. No more ties. No more shitty back passes. No more stupid fouls in the damn box. We have three incredibly winnable games and dropping a single point at this juncture in the season would all but doom us to miss out on a Champions League spot. This should not happen.

Now this is not to say that Arsenal can’t weather missing out on a CL spot. They can. They have plenty of money. A ridiculously large fan base. A beautiful stadium (goodness I can’t wait to step there one day). However, I am more interested in the bigger picture though; what does our trepidation say to the league? We know Man U and Man C are big spenders. They are going to buy high level talent year in and year out and that alone may be enough to secure a top 4 spot; no guarantee but talent tends to win games these days… SO, they are laying claim to the next decade of two of four CL spots. Two left to grab.

Chelsea. Bloody rich Chelsea. They are going to spend, spend, spend. They are the new rich neighbors that keep rolling shit in and you wonder when it is going to stop. The one thing that seems to quell some of their acquisitions is that drama can negate talent and they are certainly providing plenty of that as the year goes on. This is not to say they can’t be a fixture in the top four (I don’t fear Mo returning but I don’t like the excitement it could bring) but more that they will absolutely spend like they are a fixture in the top four and that can lead to us losing out on players we deem “too expensive”. In some respect, their spending ways are something that I think many Arsenal fans are going to become quite jealous of (not their shit history and shit stadium). Right now they seem to have what we so desire and that is a willingness to spend for talent at win at all costs model. Hard to deal with, a bit to be desired of.

Then there is Tatter Totts. They are always a pain in the ass but they should lose Bale (seriously, you are going to get gigantic wages and loyalty is thin in the league-dutch skunk anyone?) and that may be enough to send them down a few spots for some seasons to come (I wouldn’t hang my hat on Dempsey boys). Unless, what? They spend the money from Bale on top talent to bolster their squad (ha! I so funny). While they are our hated rivals I don’t see them as a consistent top four team; at least not in consistent club level management terms. They may have a few good years here or their (so bloody what) but that would be the result of an outrageous talent taking them on their back and pulling them into a position not befitting of their stature (which we all know is mid level table at best).

And then there is our beloved Arsenal. While we have not pulled in the silverware in almost a decade we have consistently stayed atop the table and reaped the financial benefits of CL play and a ginormous fan base. It is sad that some concern these days is not that we may lose silverware (can’t we at least pick one next year to go out and dominate the damn thing?) but that we may lost a top four finish. I don’t see it as us nosediving into mediocrity BUT we are not a team hewn in happiness with our 4th place “silverware”. We have seen decades of taking titles, multiple cups, winning the double, and declaring ourselves the Untouchables.

But I my friends am an optimist (albeit a realist). We have seen players leave and sold yet we still, for more than a decade, have kept our “beloved” CL spot. I believe that better days are too far ahead either. We have a young, talented core. We have picked up what I feel are some solid signings that actually produced quite well for their first season in the Premier League. And this year has shown us exactly what we need to not just potentially compete for silverware but also the title.

But for fuck sake if they dingleberry this shit up themselves I am going to be one pissed proper Arsehole.

I was very happy to see Tater Totts drop points, which opened up the chance for us to really take up some ground in the table but no. That being said, I was still happy we took at least a point against Man U but this was another lost couple points due to a single bone headed play. This season is really turning out to be incredibly tight and any of the teams listed below could make things interesting with dropped points down the stretch. Arsenal control their destiny in this one but the truth is we are going to be Chelsea fans when they play host to our hated rivals. Without further ado…

Here is the update:

Chelsea, 65 points (Chelsea either Home/Away): Man U (A) +1, Totts (H) +3, Aston V (A) +3, Everton (H) +3

• 4 matches, possible 12 points (projected +10)

Arsenal, 64 points: QPR (A) +3, Wigan (H) +3, New U (A) +3

• 3 matches, possible 9 points (projected +9); FYI I predicted the +1 vs. Man U.

Tater Totts, 62 points: South (H) +3, Chelsea (A) +0, Stoke (A) +3, Sund (H) +3

• 4 matches, possible 12 points (projected +9)

Everton, 59 points: Liv (A) +1, West Ham (H) +3, Chelsea (A) +0

• 3 matches, possible 9 points (projected +4)

Projected Finish (projected point total)

3. Chelsea (75)

4. Arsenal (73)

5. Tater Totts (71)

6. Everton (63)

There was a lot of positives to take from today’s game. We played aggressive, attacked regularly, and until the penalty (which took some air out of the sails) on the dutch skunk we looked like a team that was playing as if they were challenging for a top place finish; not fighting for fourth. All in all, I thought it a really solid effort IMHO.

Let’s be honest, the game could not have opened up any better than it did. Scratch that, skunky could have pulled up lame on his giveaway pass that led to the offside goal by Theo but damned if I didn’t enjoy that series of events. I mean, there couldn’t have been a single Gooner out there that didn’t find themselves giddy like a kid on Christmas morn’ whilst watching skunky’s shite pass lead to Theo’s bullet into the webbing. Pure bliss.

And let’s not get started about offside, etc. The fact is that there have been plenty of calls that go either way on the whole offside argument and herein lies the little bit of luck that went our way for the goal (damn right I’ll take it when it’s for us!). If you’ll recall, I believe skunky himself has enjoyed such treatment earlier this year on his own goals so enjoy some crow red deviled egg fans. Sometimes I think the slightly missed offside call is reminiscent of the weak foul called in the NBA on the superstar; sometimes you get the call your way, sometimes you don’t. Either way, we went into this game knowing that we had to take control and gain momentum and that is exactly what we did. The goal had an instant lift that allowed Arsenal to stay aggressive throughout most of the first half and play some of their best football to date. But then…

Brain fart. Seriously. That is what happened. A shitty back pass, a sloppy challenge. Brain fart. I half expected Bacary to fall down, get back up all woozy looking and sniffing around like someone had just sat on his face and farted. Oh Bacary… just really hasn’t been your year… Truth be told, I’m not worried about losing Sagna in the offseason. I understand that teams will look at his consistency throughout the past but many will not want to shell out good (big) money wondering whether they are getting the previous consistency or the slow decay of a defender who seems to have had more than a fair share of brain farts this season. Brain farts aside, I want him to stay, I think he wants to stay, and I believe today is a day that will cause him to want to stay and show that this year was the aberration and not the new Bacary “what is that smell?” Sagna.

Which leads me to a thought that I argued in the past when the BFG got beat on a similar play which led to a penalty; why do defenders, when they get beat, seem to always go after the sloppy challenge from behind which essentially gifts the other team a penalty (goal)? Seriously? Just bear with me on this for a second. You get beat. Shit. Run back, keep pressure on, BUT DON’T FOUL AT ALL COST! While getting beat sucks and you don’t want to be that guy, isn’t there still just as good a chance that the guy botches the shot anyways if he feels you breathing down his neck? Now, an alternate argument could be that a penalty isn’t guaranteed either BUT when you send a guy like skunky to the spot it seems like you are essentially gifting them goal instead of making the man earn it.

Later on we seemed to do a solid job pressing but some of the changes we made just didn’t quite get us the finish we needed. Jack looked a little better but the boy just seems a bit off. Gervinho. Meh. I have nothing to say. AOC did a pretty good job of getting forward and created some decent chances but he is still young and his mistakes, IMHO, still appear to be a guy who is still figuring his game out (he is still quite a young chap). Really though, we were never going to snag more than a goal or two against United’s D and though we did play well enough for the 3 points you can’t argue against the call on Sagna which led to our splitting points.

Right. Points Scenario update coming soon Gooners.