A lot has been made of the possibility of a plethora of transfers possibilities and yet mum is the word (aside from the signing of a single young french injury prone striker… no, not talking about Diaby here). Ah screw it, let’s have some fun with this post.

1. Hola David Villa!

After failing to sign the striker earlier this year, Wenger picks up the moveable piece from Barca after an all night binger with Monreal and Santi. Villa, once realizing that Arsenal had continued to sink faith into French signings, comments, “Well, us Spaniards know how to play this game pretty well too.” Giroud, offended as most Frenchies can be, quickly changes his tune when he watches You Tube videos of Villa’s monstrous strikes from in and around the box, “I get to play with him!?!” he giddily admits.

2. Santi unites with Fabregas!

After seeing that the grass is not always greener on the other side, Cesc is welcomed back into the open arms of the Emirates after vacationing in Camp Nou. The homecoming is everything it could be with parades, banners and re-printing of posters, jerseys and advertisements (Arsenal actually saved a few quid there by re-hashing the old stuff). Upon his return, the wide eyed MF admits, “I thought I was going to get to actually PLAY footie over there. All things aside, I did have really nice seats for most games.”

3. Benteke bolts for CL!

Whilst playing a bit of the he said, she said game, Benteke forces Aston Villa’s hand into a move toward the shiny lights of the N5. When asked why Arsenal, the surprise striker of 12/13 relents, “Hey, if Gervinho can hold a spot there then I figure I had at least a fighting chance. And no, I don’t need the constant back rubbing and Tony Robbins tapes.”

4. Rooney flees Man U to say F U

After having his pick of the litter (ha! just kidding), Wenger informs the plucky (no, really hair does grow back on its own) man that he is more than welcome at the club. As if he needed to add insult to offense, Wayne forgoes any wages just to stick it to his former, former Manager (does he really not like Moyes?). After the tube ride to the stadium, Rooney admits, “Hey, at least I can keep my red stuff and all.” Meanwhile in London, Arsenal’s dear faithful lose half their fan base as it is determined they shat themselves to death (half from Rooney coming to London, the other half from seeing Wenger hug him).

This is the harder part of the season to write about. Rumors keep flying, not much paper is being exchanged and there just isn’t much to go on that doesn’t in some way incorporate shite rumors whose only purpose is to churn out papers (or web hits). As an aside, I am kind of happy that the circus has come back to Blue Balls. I just don’t think Jose’s second term is going to go so well. The pressure is greater and that man’s ego seems to keep growing and growing. I really am hoping we get the pleasure of watching him walk early into the tunnel while his team gets pummeled. Seriously, who does that? Oh, wait. “The Special One”…